Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” - Matthew 20:15-16
This week's gospel drops us into the middle of an uncomfortable moment. Workers who've labored all day watch others, who were hired at the very last hour receive the exact same wage. The ones who worked longest do what most of us would do, they grumble.
"Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?”
I want to sit with that question rather than rush past it because I think most of us know both sides of this parable in our physical bodies. We know what it feels like in the pit of our stomachs, to have worked hard and to watch someone else receive the same reward with less effort. We feel the tightening in the jaw, the quiet math our minds do without asking permission, the tightening in our chests. We also know what it feels like to receive grace we didn't earn. The grace that arrived not because we deserved it, but because someone chose to be generous. We feel the release of breath that we didn’t even know we were holding
Notice where the discomfort lives. It's not really about fairness. The workers got exactly what they agreed to. It's about scarcity. Somewhere inside us is a voice that believes goodness is limited, that if someone else gets more, there must be less left for us. That voice is worth listening to, not because it's true, but because naming it loosens its grip.
This week, I invite you to notice: where in your life are you keeping score? What might it feel like - just for a breath - to imagine that the landowner's generosity toward others doesn't diminish what's already been given to you?
The last will be first, and the first will be last. Maybe that's not a threat. Maybe it's an invitation to let go of the ledger altogether.
Wherever you find yourself in the field today — early, late, or somewhere in the tired middle — you are seen, and you are enough.
Peace, Pastor Erin
